Leadership & Coaching

How many times have you thought, “If only I had a few more hours in the day, I could get all this work done.”? I hear you. As I think about all the competing responsibilities vying for my time and attention, I have a hard time figuring out how to fit it all in.

So, what if we refused to fit it all in? What if we simply crossed a few things off the list?

I know this sounds radical, but stay with me for a moment. Imagine an alternative to your current stressed-out, guilt-ridden state of being. What if you made two lists–the things you must do to keep you and your family breathing, and the things you’ve committed to do (for one reason or another)?

You must eat. You must sleep. If you have children, you must make sure they’re cared for (you may be able to get help in this endeavor).  After that, you have choices. Granted, actions have consequences, and not fulfilling every promise on your to-do list means someone will be disappointed, but you do have choices.

I’m reading a book called The Desire Map by Danielle Laporte. It’s one of those books that helps refocus people on what’s most important. Her whole message is about connecting with your core desires and setting goals based on how you want to feel rather than what you think you should accomplish.

As an entrepreneur, I’m an ambitious, goal-oriented person, and I sometimes forget to come up for air long enough to remember why I started my business in the first place–to set an example for my sons (to demonstrate that we should all go after our dreams and do what we love), for the freedom to participate in life on my own terms (not having to ask for a boss’s permission to put my family first, to go on that field trip or attend that track meet), and for the chance at bigger financial rewards.

I love to work, but I don’t love to have too much to do. The idea of letting someone down or failing according to my own high standards makes my gut clench and my heart constrict. Since “time management” is a misnomer (we can’t actually manage time), we need to manage how we use each precious minute.

Here are some of the ways to get more hours in the day that work for me.

1. Remove distractions. In this plugged-in world, devices are constantly dinging, buzzing, and flashing at us. Turn them off.
2. Prioritize your to-dos. Be as realistic as you can. Figure out what you can realistically accomplish in the time you have available. If you promised to finish a report by the end of the day, but you know it will be total crap if you do, call your boss or your client and let them know you need more time to provide the quality you feel compelled to provide. Then give them a deadline you know you can meet. If they say, “I want whatever you can provide today.” Provide it. Most people would rather have quality. Repeat this process until your day is manageable.
3. Use the Pomodoro Technique. With pomodoros, you alternate short sprints with regular breaks. The sprints help you remain productive; the breaks bolster your motivation and keep you creative.
4. Take care of yourself. Eat well. Exercise. Get enough sleep. Invest in your relationships. Attend to your personal growth/spiritual needs. It always amazes me when people schedule oil changes every 5,000 miles and full check-ups for their cars every 30,000 miles because they recognize the importance of regular maintenance, but they don’t do the same for their bodies and souls. If you don’t take care of yourself, your productivity will suffer. I promise.

Some days you have to push through, work late and forego the healthy balance. But if this is your norm rather than the exception, something needs to change. Take some time to assess how much of your life feels good (however you define that) and how much feels out of sync, frustrating, stressful, or depressing. Small steps can lead to big change. You may not be able to quit your job or attain your ideal weight by next week, but you can start rolling that snowball down the hill today.

If part of what’s keeping you too busy is the work required to promote your business and you’d like help, let me know.

In this busy world, many of us depend on emails, texts, social media posts, and other electronic communication to share our views and communicate with clients, colleagues, and employees. The written word is a powerful communication tool, but sometimes a face-to-face conversation is a far better choice.

If you need to discuss emotionally charged information, do it in person. Emotional issues often put people on the defensive where the chances of miscommunication increase. Most of us hear what we expect to hear, and although the words we’re reading may not be inherently negative or provocative, we read more into them than we should and respond accordingly.

Tone of voice and body language play a major role in imparting meaning. The simple question, “What?” can indicate incredulity, surprise, or a simple request for clarification. Face-to-face communication allows for immediate clarification, so hard feelings don’t develop unnecessarily.

A face-to-face meeting can also demonstrate a certain level of respect for the person you’re meeting with and/or indicate the importance of the subject you’ll be discussing. This helps set expectations appropriately.

So the next time you’re struggling to write an email about a delicate subject, ask yourself whether email is the best way to communicate.

When a new president is sworn in and immediately begins changing the country’s direction on health care, education, immigration, economics, and other issues that impact people’s day-to-day lives, leaders have an opportunity to establish themselves as thought leaders.

You may have information that can help people make sense of it all, or at least put things in perspective. I was recently working with a client in education who explained how California Governor Jerry Brown will likely serve as a buffer against some of the federal changes in education, at least for awhile. Since I’m concerned about some of the comments Education Secretary Betsy DeVos made during her confirmation hearing, I felt much better after talking with my client.

Later, I was discussing people’s fear about losing health care coverage with a client who oversees a federally qualified health center. She mentioned that our State Assemblyman Jim Wood is the Health Committee chairman, so issues relevant to small, rural counties will not get lost. That made me feel better, too.

I immediately recommended to both of these clients that we write columns in local newspapers and blogs on their websites explaining how federal decisions are likely to impact local people. Answer questions like, “How quickly are changes likely to affect us?” and “How dramatically?”

If you want to establish yourself as an expert in your industry and a resource for information, consider the current political turmoil and provide information people can use. Where I live in Northern California, most people lean left politically. If this is your client base, think about how you can reassure people as the president signs executive orders that go against their fundamental beliefs about what it means to be an American.

If you would like to learn more about how to expand your influence, I’d love to help you.

Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr. was poet, among other things, who said, “Speak clearly, if you speak at all; carve every word before you let it fall.”

I love this quote because it reminds me of the value of people who wait to speak until they have taken in all the information available and decided they have something worthwhile to contribute. For those who remember the old EF Hutton commercials, it’s kind of like that: when EF Hutton talks, people listen.

One of the mistakes new leaders often make is to share their opinions early rather than waiting to hear what others have to say. Rushing to prove how smart you are or how much you know often has the opposite effect: better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.

If you’re interested in communication coaching, let me know.

This holiday season, I’m throwing out a challenge: take a moment to reflect on the people who have positively influenced you this year and write a quick note to thank them. It can be an email or, if you’re old school, a hand-written card.

Your note doesn’t have to be long, but it should be specific and heartfelt. Here are some of the notes I plan to send:

To the graphic designer who turned my text into a beautiful book, thank you for teaching me the importance of reviewing the details over and over and over, and then over again. Thank you for encouraging me to clarify the copyright so the book’s integrity is safe for all time. Thank you for leading by example with compassion and patience the whole way through.

To the graphic designer and dear friend who always forces me to dig deep, whether I’m rebranding my company or crafting a persuasive bit of prose, you always ask EXACTLY the right questions to help me do my very best work. Thank you; I don’t know what I’d do without you.

To the business coach who never judges my faults, but rather supports me to grow by focusing on my strengths, I am so glad we’re working together again.

To my web developer and friend, thanks for showing me what it looks like to improve continually. Each time we meet, I find you’ve discovered yet another way to better express your creativity, build your business, or grow as a person. I see you do these things, and I think, “Hey, if Marc can do all that, maybe I can, too.”

There is something about receiving a written note that feels more thoughtful and permanent than a verbal compliment. If this feels like an intimidating task, why not simply start with the last three people who did something helpful? Don’t get hung up on saying something amazingly poignant. Just share what’s in your heart. I promise you’ll feel happier and so will those on the receiving end of your gratitude.

Happy Holidays!

Communicating effectively requires paying attention to the intent of a message as well as its impact. In their book, Be Quiet Be Heard: The Paradox of Persuasion, husband and wife authors Drs. Peter and Susan Glaser beautifully illustrate the difference between a message’s content (the facts) and its interpretation (the meaning). Whether you’re communicating in the board room, the classroom, or the living room, recognizing how your message is interpreted can help you connect so what you mean to say matches what others hear.

Acknowledging the power dynamics in a relationship and considering your message from your audience’s point of view can help reduce miscommunication. If you are a leader asking a subordinate when he or she will finish a project, you may simply be trying to plan your next move; however, your employee may feel attacked. You ask, “When will your project be done?” He or she hears, “Why is this taking so long? I’m unhappy with your performance.”

If you see body language that suggests your message didn’t land as intended, check it out. If your employee crosses his or her arms in a defensive stance, takes a deep breath and looks away from you, or seems generally put out, ask a follow up question or attempt to clarify your position. “I’m asking so I can figure out how to plan for the steps that follow your project. I really appreciate your work on this.”

Genuine, specific praise is a great way to help people feel more confident, and to interpret your message in the most positive light.

When we graduated from high school, many of us hoped we were leaving behind the petty, annoying behaviors that made adolescence so unpleasant at times. So what do you do when you arrive at work to find the classic bully who tormented peers as a teen has been added to the management team at your company?

First, breathe. While this guy clearly failed to mature, most of the leaders in your organization probably grew into thoughtful adults, and they do not care to put up with bullying behaviors. Chances are, if you can help create a culture that explicitly rejects intimidation and negativity, the bully will not get the reaction he’s hoping for–leading him to either change his behavior or leave the organization.

How do you create this type of culture? According to bullying expert Dr. Scott Ross at the Colorado Department of Education, many of the principles that work effectively to manage childhood bullying can also work with adults: specifically, establishing clear social norms.

To begin establishing these norms, work with your colleagues to identify the core values they seeks to promote as a leadership team, values such as respect, inclusiveness, collaboration, creativity, and whatever else fits. Rarely do groups suggest values like self-aggrandizement, cut-throat competition, lack of trust, and divisiveness.

Then discuss how those values translate into behaviors; for example, not interrupting others during meetings, delivering criticism in a forthright and constructive way, and taking time to appreciate what’s working well (e.g., sending thank you notes to staff who go the extra mile). As the bully continues to behave in ways that are incongruent with the values established by the group, he will feel more and more out of place.

What we permit, we promote.